We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
