And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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