The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
don't judge my taste in strippers
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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