weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
