blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize