u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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