we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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