im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
