She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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