Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
