If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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