I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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