Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
