in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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