I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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