I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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