It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
