We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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