I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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