At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
