Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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