Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
