I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
