I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
