I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
