My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I would fuck him just for his dog
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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