So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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