why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
