I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
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She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize