I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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