I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My dick has a subreddit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
