Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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