Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
