im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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