I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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