Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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