he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
