I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
