take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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