East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Will exercising make me less horny?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
