her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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