There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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