8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
