Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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