Your tits are I can't wait for
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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