tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
