DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
