I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
