My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
