i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
