can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
