oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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