Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
