he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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