I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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