i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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