I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
