Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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