I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
