last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
