it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
