i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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