tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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