May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
