she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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