So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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