real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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