last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
