when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
