Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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