i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
