New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
