Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
